Tag Archives: responsibility deselection

#Week 14: The Road to London

I run with a strange kind of inverted occasional carbon dioxide deselection, as my 9-year-old calls it. To you and me it’s called OCD. Sienna probably shows the greatest tendency towards OCD, and she knows it. We all laugh about her tendencies, and love them at the same time. And of course she would have her own interpretation of it. She renamed herself Pog Wolf aged 2, then got herself an imaginary friend (Marvin) and Gary Barlow (with a pink beard) used to live in her room. Lucky girl.

Good Friday trip to Oxygen trampoline park

Good Friday trip to Oxygen trampoline park

It’s lovely that Sienna will scrub out the woodburner and arrange the shoes on the shoe rack (in size order as well as colour), then pull everything out of the food cupboards and rearrange them in order, and that she can stack the dishwasher with a skill worthy of an Olympic medal. It’s even lovelier for me that, despite about 18 hours of gymnastics a week she wants to come home and do housework, I mean, for me, with my fear of cleaning and refusal of all things housewifely, she is a little angel.

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Sienna and Niamh

“Sienna, can you just do the dishwasher while I start on tea?” I will call out to her, knowing that in five minutes she will have done it, fed the guinea pig, tidied the laundry, will come and chop the veggies (precisely), tidy the kitchen and still ask for more.

If you can't find hills, make steps your friend

If you can’t find hills, make steps your friend

She has this kind of personality. My God she is thorough. I want to be thorough but I can’t; as I said, I have an inverse OCD personality. I know I’m on the spectrum; my place was booked and paid for when I was very young. Though I’ve never been completely sure where exactly it is I should call ‘home’. Apart from Cuckoo Lane (and isn’t that fate having a laugh on me?). Unless you have a perceptive parent who does some digging and wants to find out the strange currencies that flow through their child, you can spend half your life trying to work out exactly why you are different and how. I think I’ve journeyed a slightly strange, uneven and somewhat cobbly path from being a tiny little extrovert (emotionally demanding), to being an introverted extrovert (emotionally demanding), to being a HSP, or highly sensitive person (emotionally demanding). I’m still tiny and little.

Couldn't keep up with the lovely Phil with 20 in my legs

Couldn’t keep up with the lovely Phil with 20 in my legs

What has this got to do with my 14th week of training for a marathon? It’s about living with not being able to allow your OCD-ness to flow through you and train the way you want to due to being a grown up and having *responsibilities*. This is what makes it inverted. You have it but you can’t be it.

{ responsibility: n. (pl. responsibilities) 1 the state or fact of being responsible }

I sometimes struggle with that word. Responsible.

Interestingly, a further definition of responsibility is: the ability to act independently and take decisions without authorization, which I’ve always done through the stages mentioned above, and no one ever said I was emotionally demanding when I did that…

The lovely, lovely Friday group

The lovely, lovely Friday group

Well, we all have our weeks planned out, and when training for a marathon it’s important to try and stick to the plan as much as you can. But…we all have to take detours due to illnesses, family and work. I’m the same, but I worked out some time ago that if I do something exercise-related every day I cope so much better.

It doesn’t have to be running and it doesn’t have to be much. So writing this at the end of two weeks of Easter holidays, and about three weeks behind on this blog, and I realise, yet again, the marathon training has almost ceased as life’s just too busy! Work, three girls at home, and training is a complicated mix for someone with inverted occasional carbon dioxide deselection! And don’t be fooling yourself that everything is easier when you’re kids are older. Wrong! It’s just a new type of stress.

Have you noticed I spend a lot of time in the car? Gym girls this time

Have you noticed I spend a lot of time in the car? Gym girls this time

So if, like me, you’ve been experiencing severe judders in your training, you are not alone. There’s not much you can do about it. I’ve always followed the school of ‘slightly unconventional training’ where you go to races with the philosophy of ‘turn up and hope for the best’.

Saying all that, week 14 was going to be pivotal. After three weeks of un-running I had to get back up to speed to see if I had a chance of taking on those 26.2 miles. I found the first few runs really tough; my body felt too heavy. Am I a wrestler or a runner, I wondered? After my 10-minute test last Friday I did a run on the treadmill…with no pain. I sure was happy. So I obviously wanted to follow this up with a run outside, which was OK except for my body feeling about 10-stone overweight. I guess that’s what you get after weeks of un-running. I had to build on this, so I had a day’s rest then did another steady run, then another day’s rest, then I thought, right, I’m just going to go for it. I took my group as usual on Friday morning, it was Good Friday so I took the girls out during the day, then in the evening I added on 14 miles and there it was, finally, a ‘long’ long run. My only one. 20 miles.

Yep, a plank PB :)

Yep, a plank PB :)

Other athletes split their long runs successfully. So would I. Foot was OK, so I got up the next morning and did a parkrun. Just because I could. And doing one when tired would be great preparation for the six miles of pain that are the last stages of a marathon.

Having inverted OCD it’s been really hard not being able to train how I knew I needed to, I felt all angsty and wrapped up like a ball of barbed wire inside. I look for a window everyday to fit in being me, but sometimes it isn’t there. However, I figured if I could do one long run I could get to the start line without complete fear ruining the race. Hallelujah for split long runs!

My most miles in a week for some time!

My most miles in a week for some time!

I was also 45 during the week. I’m going to need a bit of time to get used to that. I’m working on some self-rehab re the mundane stuff, too. I’m taking things slow, but am doing the washing up after a meal rather than looking at it all day with fear. Small steps.

QUESTIONS: Do you also suffer from occasional carbon dioxide deselection when training?

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